were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
