do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
