it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
