i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
