i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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