yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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