If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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