I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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