I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
