No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
