I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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