I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
