Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
