Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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