what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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