the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
