wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
