atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
