I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
