i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
