it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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