Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
