Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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