Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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