he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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