There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
