Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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