what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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