i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
