I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think your dad took our porno
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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