No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You made out with two different species that night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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