anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
