considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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