I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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