yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
