It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She needs sedatives and a leash
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize