Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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