6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize