; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
