If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
