I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
