I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
