how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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