it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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