Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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