i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
