It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
