I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
