its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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