Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
