I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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