How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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