he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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