his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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