Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
