YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
