I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
