Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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