my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
