Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
