That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
