i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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