the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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