When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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