Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
