Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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