how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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